


Fighting Your Battles

by queenofdeansbooty



Series: Marvel Angst Bingo 2018 [24]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 16:36:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18369905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenofdeansbooty/pseuds/queenofdeansbooty
Summary: Anxiety is always lurking around the corner for you. It’s worse when you’re in the dark and Tom knows just how bad it can get. Luckily for you, he is always there to help you.





	Fighting Your Battles

Before you started dating Tom Holland, you were a big fan of his. He was in a number of shows/movies that you loved, but your favorite one was Spiderman. Being a Marvel fan didn’t help, and when you got the opportunity to join him on set for a few days, you took it. Tom was hosting a contest on his Instagram and you jumped at the chance, hoping that you would be picked.

Low and behold, you were the winner and he flew you to London where he was filming his new Spiderman movie. You got to hang with him on set and he was allowed to take you into the city, which was one of the best times you could have ever had. Tom was so nice and funny, making you feel welcomed despite your anxiety just begging to be released. Ever since you were a child, you’ve had bad anxiety. It was worse when you were faced with the darkness.

There was something about the dark that ate at your anxiety. Maybe it was just you, but your mind liked to create creatures in your head that lurked just behind the shadows, waiting to grab at you when they got the chance. Ever since you could remember, you’ve slept with a nightlight and much to your displeasure, you still sleep with one.

You’ve tried to get help before but all the psychiatrists you’ve seen couldn’t help you, no matter how much medicine they’ve prescribed to you. They diagnosed you to have nyctophobia, which is the irrational fear of night time or the darkness. Over the years, you’ve learned to accept it because it wasn’t going anywhere, and the one person who didn’t give you shit about it was Tom.

It was near the end of your trip when he snuck over to your hotel room in the middle of the night because he wanted to hang out. You two had gotten close since you arrived, so it wasn’t strange that he would do this. You weren’t expecting him to come over, so you were in your bed, nightlight in its socket, and a book in hand.

He found out about your anxiety problem and decided to comfort you rather than laugh at you. He admitted he had an anxiety problem so he understood why you wanted a nightlight. Before Tom, you never really connected with someone as well as you connected with him. When your trip ended, you were sad you probably weren’t ever going to see him again. So, much to your surprise, when he asked you for his number, you honestly didn’t know what to do. You ended up giving it to him and 5 years later, you two were dating and living together.

He was your rock, and you didn’t know what you would do without him. Instead of you leaving the life you build in New York to live with him in London, he was the one who moved. It wasn’t a big deal to him since he did a lot of traveling anyway. Because of his sacrifice, you had a feeling you two would be together for quite some time. It’s not often a man would move across the world just to live with you. Thomas was something different.

Lately, things had winded down after Tom was finished filming his latest movie. It hadn’t been released yet, but you’ve seen it in a private screening. No matter the movie genre, Tom never failed to surprise you. You knew he was a good actor before you met him but now that you got a taste of his personal life, it made his acting ten times stronger.

But, he was done with filming which meant that he was able to stay home with you. The upcoming weeks would be filled with movie nights, take out dinners, and being with one another. New York was a magical place but it had its downfalls. One of them being blackouts. It didn’t really help with your anxiety, but they were rare, so you didn’t worry too much about them. You tried not to think of your anxiety too much. Singing usually helped you calm down, and since you were busy thinking of tonight, you didn’t want to seem anxious.

Picking one of your favorite Ariana Grande songs from her new album, you started to sing it loudly, knowing Tom was downstairs. The words flowed easily out of your mouth as you tried to harmonize. You weren’t the best singer in the world, but you couldn’t care enough to stop. Lathering shampoo in your hand, you slathered it on your hair, massaging it gently. You continued to sing your heart out, not hearing the door open and close.

> _Just keep breathin’ and breathin’ and breathin’ and breathin’_  
>  And oh, I gotta keep, keep on breathin’  
> Just keep breathin’ and breathin’ and breathin’ and breathin’  
> And oh, I gotta keep, keep on breathin’
> 
> _Sometimes it’s hard to find, find my way up into the clouds_  
>  Tune it out, they can be so loud  
> You remind me of a time when things weren’t so complicated  
> All I need is to see your face

“You know, you sing better than you think, darling,” Tom said which caused you to jump 50 feet from your body.

“You scared me,” you said, as you quickly rinsed the shampoo out of your hair. When you were done, you slid the curtain opened to look at his face.

“Sorry, you know I love the sound of your voice,” Tom smiled at you.

“Okay, I know you’re here to sneak up on me. What’s up? I’m almost done in here.”

“I just called the restaurant to confirm our reservation, but they’ve told me I wasn’t on the list. They don’t know what happened, and I tried making a new one, but the wait time is far too long. Do you think you’d be okay with me making dinner tonight?”

“You know I don’t mind. I’d actually rather just stay in with you. We can have dinner and then a movie night? I’ve laid out the movies I’d like to watch,” you grinned.

“Yes, I saw them. So, you’d rather watch Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield but not me? I am a little offended,” Tom smiled despite his words.

“You know I love your Spiderman movie, I just like the plot line a little better in the other ones. I promise, I’m not cheating on your Spiderman,” you giggled.

“I know, I’m teasing you. I’ll be downstairs when you’re done. You should still wear the dress you have out,” Tom nodded as he walked to the door.

“You think so?”

“I know so,” he winked at you before leaving the bathroom. You chuckled and went back to your shower and your song. As you were nearing the end of the song, you grabbed the bar of soap to wash your body when the lights turned off in the bathroom. Almost instantly, fear spiked in your mind as your heart rate increased.

“TOM!” you screamed, dropping the bar of soap. You didn’t know why the lights were off, all you knew is that you needed to get to a source of light. It’s one thing to be in the dark while in your room or the kitchen, but to be stuck in the dark while in the bathroom, that was a whole different ballpark. Feeling around the shower, you quickly turned off the water and pulled back the curtains.

“TOM!!!” you screamed again, stepping out of the shower. Tears brimmed the surface of your eyes as they tried to adjust to the darkness. Your hand made contact with the marble countertop and tried to feel your way to the door. Yes, you were still naked, but you couldn’t care about that.

Instantly, your mind created lurking monsters, ready to grab you at any moment. Growing up, you called these monsters your demons, and they very well could be. As you made your way to the door, you connected with a hard body just as arms wrapped around you. Almost instantaneously, a scream left you as you tried to get away. Somehow, you thought your monsters materialized and were ready to grab you.

“Y/N, you’re okay, it’s just me,” Tom said and you fell into his body, letting out the sob that begged to be released the moment the lights turned off.

“I’m scared, Tom,” you cried as your shoulders shook. “They’re going to get me. Don’t let them get me.”

“You’re going to be okay. I’m right here, I won’t let anyone touch you,” he stated as he wrapped a towel around your quivering body. He pulled out his phone and turned on the flashlight so you could see what was around you. When you looked up at his face, you could see from the corner of your eyes, the monsters shying away from the light.

“They’re all around us,” you whispered, fear gripping your voice as well as covering your features.

“Darling, look at me,” Tom spoke, turning the phone so the flashlight pointed upward, and illuminated his face. “No one is here but us. There are no monsters, that’s just your mind playing tricks on you. Besides, if there were, I wouldn’t let them touch you. Come on, let’s go downstairs where the candles are. We can’t have dinner since it’s a blackout but we can order something. You’re perfectly safe with me.”

“Don’t leave me,” you cried, letting the tears fall freely.

“I won’t ever leave you. Come on, take my hand,” Tom held out his hand which you took, “I’m right here.”

“Okay,” you whispered, and if he weren’t standing so close to you, he probably wouldn’t have heard it. Tom gently and slowly led you out of the bathroom, your bedroom, and to the stairs. Slowly, he directed you down, knowing you needed to go slow. When you got like this, he had to treat you with such delicacy or else you would have a bad panic attack, and have what he calls “blackouts”. You gripped his hand tightly, and despite your efforts, you couldn’t calm your racing heart.

“Tom, I’m scared,” you shivered, but he didn’t stop.

“I know you are, darling. We’re almost there. You’re doing great, I’m so proud of you,” he encouraged you to make it to the living room. “Okay, just wait here and I’ll get the candles…”

“No, I don’t want to be alone. Please, take me with you,” you begged.

“Okay, okay, let’s go to the kitchen,” Tom didn’t argue with you and took you to the kitchen. Both of you searched and grabbed as many candles as you could. The more you had, the better you would feel. Going back to the living room, you used Tom’s phone camera to set them around the room. After you were done, you sat on the couch while Tom lit all the candles. The dimness the candles provided wasn’t ideal, but it was better than sitting in the dark.

“Okay, I’m going to go upstairs and get you some clothes. Will you be okay?” Tom asked, and you nodded. You had to get over this fear and to do that, you had to be alone in the dim light. “I’ll be 2 minutes,” Tom left you alone and rushed up the stairs, eager to get back to you as soon as possible.

Monsters that your mind created, stood in the shadows, watching you. Some of them laughed, some of them sneered but most of them just stared at you. There were so many creatures around you, that you had to tell yourself they weren’t real.

“Go away, you’re not real,” you whispered to yourself, bringing your knees to your chest. The towel fell from your body, leaving you exposed to whoever was watching you. The demons hissed and sneered at you, but you covered your ears to block the sounds out.

“Please go away. I don’t want you here. Leave me alone. Tom!!” you yelled for him. He usually made them go away.

“I’m right here,” he said from behind you. You jumped, not expecting him to be this close to you. “You’re alright. I’m here.” He moved to the front of the couch and helped you put on his clothes. He knew how much you liked it when you wore his clothing.

“Make them go away,” you sniffled, staring at him with puffy eyes, “please.”

“Okay, how about this,” he started to say as he took a seat next to you on the couch. He made sure you were paying attention to him and nothing else, “what kind of date do you want to go on?”

“What do you mean?” you sniffled.

“Tell me your perfect date. Where you want to go, what you want to do, who you want to be with,” Tom smiled.

“Well, I want it to be with you,” you smiled, some of the demons disappearing. “We’d go to my favorite place to hang out when I was a kid. I’d go there all the time to be alone. There is a park near my childhood house and if you go deep enough into the woods, you’d see a tree–my tree–with a big, hollowed out trunk. I’d take blankets and books there, only to have my parents yell at me when they couldn’t find the stuff I had taken. I’d love to go back there with you. It’s not far from here, actually.”

“I’d love to go there with you. It sounds like a lovely place,” Tom smiled. You were about to say more about it when you looked behind Tom and didn’t see anything. The demons your mind concocted had been long gone. Your mind was free of the poison your anxiety filled you with.

“Tom?” you whispered.

“Yes, love?”

“They’re gone. All of them are just… gone.”

“I knew you could do it,” Tom smiled and pulled you into his body. “You did it all on your own.”

“You make them go away,” you whispered, and settled into his body.

“I would suggest we watch those movies you wanted, but seeing how the power is out, why don’t I get my laptop and we can watch something on Youtube, yeah?”

“Sounds perfect,” you smiled, and he let you go to stand up.

“You’re going to be okay while I’m gone?”

“Yeah, I go this,” you smiled, confident in yourself to keep the demons at bay.


End file.
